On New Year's Eve ✶
A new year and a new chance to renew our commitment to ourselves.
Just writing that made my throat tighten because my inner editor thought, “is that possibly, too selfish a start?” Do any other 80’s babies remember when the worst insult you could hurl as a kid was that someone was selfish or conceited? A friend reminded me of that earlier this year and I am still sitting with that.
What I mean by “commitment to ourselves” is the Rabbi Shmuley “you have to put the air mask on yourself first before you can help others” kind of way. Perhaps this missive is selfish because, in truth, I am really saying this to myself. It feels like years since I have been able to breath.
If you have felt that way, out of breath, suspended in stress, bound by outward obligations that obliterate your center and your ability to care for yourself as you should, acutely aware of all that you don’t know, and just plain tired for any proportion of this past year (or more), this message is for you.
Let’s promise to show up for ourselves first in 2021. Let’s identify our needs, our desires, and our dreams for the best and most spacious version of this precious life. Let’s bring tender compassion as we explore knowing who we are and what we want. Let’s accept that we are bound to make mistakes. Let’s actually say ‘no’ when something doesn’t feel right or will diminish the space for our own precious cargo. Let’s remember that we are beautiful, no matter where we are physically. Let’s declare that what we want is legitimate, worth prioritizing, and has the potential to be downright tangible.
I’m tired of talking about 2020 as a dumpster fire -- do y’all remember that we were running through the exact same rhetoric this time last year about 2019? As hard as this year has been, it has borne so many rare opportunities. The most incredible to me, is that it allowed us to remember our undeniable interconnectedness as we all encountered the shared experience of a total interruption of life as we knew it. Wow. That is awe worthy.
My plans for tonight are to drink champagne with my husband, eat some decadent treats, maybe write down and light up some things I want to release from this year, and fall asleep before midnight if I feel like it. My goal for tomorrow is to not crack open my computer, to spend some time checking in with myself by using some journal prompts leftover from this week’s full moon, make black eyed peas and collard greens, and try to talk with my family. Maybe I’ll go for a walk. Beyond that, this year, I am committing to resting when I am tired, to pause and journal when I am angry or overwhelmed, to splurge on the nourishing food that I love, to take things one day at a time, and to keep checking in. I may or may not exercise as much as I should. I might keep my house as clean as I like it. More than anything, I will try. In 2021, I resolve to try, to be nice to myself when I fail, and to try again.
What about you?
Photo by the other worldly talent that is Riley Blanks. I was so hard on myself when I saw these photos, and I am continuing to share them so I can get over it and accept myself where I am now. Riley, this post is dedicated to you for your sweet refrain of "more notes from Miranda" ♥